GTMO Water Plant Considering Selling Bottled Water to Replace Lost Funding Due to The Wall

     Just 18 months after this small Naval Base Community water desalinization plant had to issue a Boil Water Notice due to a break in one of their infrastructure pipes,  they are considering bottling the water to make up for possible lost Military Construction funding that may be diverted to build The Wall along the southern border between the United States and Mexico.  When asked if the desalinization plant had enough capacity to provide enough water to the residents of Guantanamo Bay Naval Base while also supporting a bottling operation, a plant spokesperson said, "Well, we have had periods where our demand drops drastically on the base and during those times we could divert our excess capacity towards this new venture.  We also know from speaking with representatives of the Naval Exchange(NEX) that one of their leading product categories is bottled water.  We feel that it would be a win win situation." 

     A spokesperson for the NEX could not be reached for comment, but a customer willingly spoke with us.  One said, "I could see GTMO water being sold to places like Flint, Michigan where they already boil their water.  I just worry that if they sold it to the NEX here on base, the NEX may accidentally place it in the diet soft drink aisle.  I would hope that the labeling is very clear to all of us." 

   

Christie's and Sotheby's Auction Houses in Battle to Get to GTMO and Begin Selling GTMO Beaters.

    Reportedly the 2 most famous auction houses, Christie's and Sotheby's have recently explored what they would need to set up a used car auction business in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.  A spokesperson for Sotheby's recently stated, "We are in the auctioning of art and antiques and moneymaking business.  We thought that we had a corner on these markets until we heard about the GTMO Beater market here in Guantanamo Bay.  The markup on the turn of the century automobiles here is definitely a growth opportunity for us."  Christie's executives were just as jubilant about opening up a new market opportunity.   "We feel that we can bring our expertise in art selling to GTMO since many of the used cars there are already works of art," said the Christie's spokesperson. 

   Residents of GTMO were a little wary when they heard of the auction houses' interest.  A resident interviewed said, "Having the auction houses come down here to sell beaters is probably the last thing that we need right now.  People selling their beaters already think their cars are worth more than da Vinici's Last Supper painting." 

Fortnite Makers Noticed .000000000001% Decrease in YOY President Day Weekend Revenues Due to ViaSat Internet Outage in GTMO.

Epic Games, the makers of Fortnite, along with nearly everyone on Facebook's GTMO Family and GTMO Connection groups, expressed their anxiousness over the recent ViaSat internet outage in GTMO.  Although members of the Facebook Connection groups who had access to their T-Mobile internet noticed the outage almost immediately and made sure that ViaSat also knew immediately about the problem, Epic Games did not notice the outage's effect until a little later in the day.  An Epic spokesperson said, "We had initially thought it had something to do with the patch that we released to Fortnite version 2.03 on Sunday, 17 February.  However after reviewing the interactions with the rest of the world, we realized the problem was specific to GTMO.  Once we discovered the specificity of the problem, we put pressure on ViaSat to make sure that they restored the connection as soon as possible.  We couldn't afford to lose that kind of revenue." 

GTMO customers of ViaSat were thankful.  One ViaSat GTMO islander responded, "When we lost our internet on Saturday afternoon, we did not expect it to return until Tuesday because of the long weekend.  My son was going nuts.  He complained that he wouldn't be able to communicate with his friends until Tuesday at school.  I have never been more thankful that he plays Fortnite so often that they would take notice of GTMO and get involved.  Because of their involvement, I am actually thinking about becoming a customer myself." 

GTMO Diving Secured While Medical Personnel Investigate Ways to Use Nitrogen Released in Decompression Chamber for Increased Dental Services

Officials at the Naval Base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba have secured diving recently in an effort to improve Dental Service on the small Naval Base.  Officials recently sent medical personnel back to the states to begin investigating whether the Nitrogen released in the Decompression Chamber can be combined with Oxygen to make Nitrous Oxide aka Laughing Gas which can then be used to provide additional dental services to the residents on the island.  A spokesman for the Dental Facility said "We want to thank the diving community for making this huge sacrifice.  Many of our residents must currently leave island sometimes for weeks at a time just for routine dental procedures.  By working with the diving community in this experimental undertaking we have a chance of improving the quality of life for all of our residents."  When asked about the expected timeline for this investigation, the spokesman said "Well our expectations are somewhere between the time it takes us to get our mail and the completion of Phillips Dive Park."   

GTMO Air Travelers Demand Out of the Way Airports for Holiday Travels

GTMO residents were excited at the chance to visit as many obscure airports as possible during the busy holiday season.  This year offered residents the most opportunities thanks to the reduction in chartered flights.  We interviewed one veteran GTMO traveler and he said, "I have never had the chance to fly to so many different locations at the last minute before the holidays as this year.  I am so excited and so is my family.  I can't tell them where I will be landing because all of the flights being offered are space available.  One minute I'm calling to say that it looks like I'll be landing today in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, and the next minute I am calling them back to say now it looks like Little Rock, Arkansas on Tuesday."  A GTMO family that was waiting on the chance to fly into Andrews AFB, near DC was overheard on the phone talking to their family saying  "We might get to see Air Force One."  Later when asked if the flight came through, the father said that they had 1 too many kids and didn't have enough time to arrange a babysitter for that kid.  Eventually they ended up going to McGuire AFB in New Jersey, and you could just see the resentment in their faces.  When we spoke with an AMC spokesperson who assists residents with their travel plans, she said, "If you thought we had some really out of the way choices during the Christmas holidays, just wait until Spring break.  We'll be combing the maps to ensure that we meet our customer's demands." 

GTMO Runner Killed by His Own Reflective Belt

     This week the Shore Patrol found a runner dead on Sherman Ave between Nob Hill and the  warning sign on the way out to the Northeast Gate.  The dead runner was discovered by a fellow runner who was training for the MWR half/full marathon coming up soon at GTMO.  "He didn't have any marks on him, so at first I thought that he had been attacked by a Cuban Boa, but then as they turned him over I saw that the reflective belt was wrapped around his arms and neck.  He looked like he put up a valiant fight." 

GTMO Fresh Fruit and Vegetables(FFAV) Plane diverted to assist in Med search and rescue

     Without asking, Naval Air Station Command at Jacksonville, FL diverted the FFAV plane desginated to carry fresh fruits and vegetables to the Naval Exchange at Guatanamo Bay, Cuba to the Mediterranean Sea to assist in the search for survivors of the deadly capsizing of a vessel carrying refugees from Libya.  NAS command knew that the folks stationed at Guantanamo Bay would fully support this mission since they are accustomed to having empty shelves in their NEX often for no good reason at all.

    NEX officials went out of their way to comment on this touchy subject for residents.  "We are proud to be able to offer a thorough explanation on the lack of fresh fruits and vegetables.  We knew that our residents understand the hardships of not having something available when they need it and we also knew that they would not want the rescue workers and survivors to have to eat frozen vegetables and fruits when they could get fresh stuff."  Fortunately for NEX officials information travels quickly around the base at Guantanamo Bay and that really helps with the shortages.

    Once the word got around to the residents of Guantanamo Bay why the plane did not arrive on time, residents really felt a sense of mission.  "Although I had my son's 16th birthday party planned where I had planned to offer my guests a veggie tray with my homemade ranch dip and a delicious carrot cake, I was pleased that the command had such a great explanation for the delay of our FFAV plane.  Usually they just hang signs in the fruit and vegetable department, stating when the plane may arrive and when they might be fully stocked again."   One of the guests, a 16 year old friend of the birthday boy, was not as forgiving.  "I really count on my daily servings of vegetables.  I skipped my lunch serving of zucchini because I thought that I could count on the carrot cake and dip with vegetables at the party.  I'm really bummed."