The GTMO Shore Patrol said in a statement that they had arrested a GTMO Homeowner for attacking alleged mango pickers who had wandered close to a Mango tree near his domicile. The GTMO homeowner attacked the would be Mango Pickers with a stash of unripened mangoes that he had collected just for this occasion. When the SPs arrived, the homeowner reportedly was shouting, "This tree is in my yard and you can't just reach over my fence and grab my mangoes. I already promised them to several people in my office. How dare you!"
When interviewed the homeowner's defense lawyer read a prepared statement. "Our client has a reputation to uphold. His friends at work know that he has a mango tree in his yard, and he would be seen as selfish if he didn't share his mangoes with them. We plan to mount a vigorous defense to his right to withhold mangoes from strangers and his right to share them with his colleagues even if he didn't plant the original tree and will only remain in this house for another 6 months before moving on to his next duty assignment. It's his GTMO given right."
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