GTMO Homeowner Arrested for Attacking Alleged Mango Pickers Who Ventured Close to His Mango Tree

The GTMO Shore Patrol said in a statement that they had arrested a GTMO Homeowner for attacking alleged mango pickers who had wandered close to a Mango tree near his domicile.  The GTMO homeowner attacked the would be Mango Pickers with a stash of unripened mangoes that he had collected just for this occasion.  When the SPs arrived, the homeowner reportedly was shouting, "This tree is in my yard and you can't just reach over my fence and grab my mangoes.  I already promised them to several people in my office.  How dare you!" 

When interviewed the homeowner's defense lawyer read a prepared statement.   "Our client has a reputation to uphold.  His friends at work know that he has a mango tree in his yard, and he would be seen as selfish if he didn't share his mangoes with them.  We plan to mount a vigorous defense to his right to withhold mangoes from strangers and his right to share them with his colleagues even if he didn't plant the original tree and will only remain in this house for another 6 months before moving on to his next duty assignment.  It's his GTMO given right."

Cuban Supreme Court Decides in Favor of Guantanamo Bay Unaccompanied Personnel in Recent Gerrymandering Case

    The Cuban Supreme Court recently handed down a decision that the GTMO Housing Office's gerrymandered unaccompanied housing was unconstitutional and required the Housing Office to redistrict their on post housing and make it more equitable for unaccompanied personnel.  During the case it was found that for years unaccompanied personnel deployed to Guantanamo Bay Naval Station had been assigned to the Boqueron district, a small Cuban town outside of the gate, in terms of rights to voting and housing.  Many unaccompanied personnel never even knew why they lived right next door to a married family in the same housing area yet were considered off post in the eyes of the local housing office.  The gerrymandering was so bad that often when a married couple moved out of a house and that house was given to an unaccompanied person, the house would immediately convert to the new housing district, and the tenant would then have to pay off post housing using their allowance. 

    Many of the unaccompanied personnel expressed relief and thanks for the decision.  One recently interviewed unaccompanied personnel had this to say, "I really cannot express my gratitude enough to the Cuban Supreme Court and whoever originally brought this case to their attention.  I knew that something was up when I always received excessive bills around Christmas time for my electricity while my married neighbors seemed to always get the same bill every month.  No one could ever explain why this happened.  We always thought that we had to pay extra during this time because of the extra Christmas lights on Christmas Tree Hill.  We never even considered that maybe we were paying for electricity in Boqueron.

   Members of the housing office have now redistricted the unaccompanied personnel into the same district as the BOQ which was one of the only places that had not been gerrymandered into the Boqueron district.  We did put in a request for the actual decision so that we could review the case and investigate who actually filed the original brief to have this case considered.  We received a file however the file was heavily redacted as is customary for cases involving GTMO, and the file mentioned no names in particular.