Fortnite Makers Noticed .000000000001% Decrease in YOY President Day Weekend Revenues Due to ViaSat Internet Outage in GTMO.

Epic Games, the makers of Fortnite, along with nearly everyone on Facebook's GTMO Family and GTMO Connection groups, expressed their anxiousness over the recent ViaSat internet outage in GTMO.  Although members of the Facebook Connection groups who had access to their T-Mobile internet noticed the outage almost immediately and made sure that ViaSat also knew immediately about the problem, Epic Games did not notice the outage's effect until a little later in the day.  An Epic spokesperson said, "We had initially thought it had something to do with the patch that we released to Fortnite version 2.03 on Sunday, 17 February.  However after reviewing the interactions with the rest of the world, we realized the problem was specific to GTMO.  Once we discovered the specificity of the problem, we put pressure on ViaSat to make sure that they restored the connection as soon as possible.  We couldn't afford to lose that kind of revenue." 

GTMO customers of ViaSat were thankful.  One ViaSat GTMO islander responded, "When we lost our internet on Saturday afternoon, we did not expect it to return until Tuesday because of the long weekend.  My son was going nuts.  He complained that he wouldn't be able to communicate with his friends until Tuesday at school.  I have never been more thankful that he plays Fortnite so often that they would take notice of GTMO and get involved.  Because of their involvement, I am actually thinking about becoming a customer myself." 

GTMO Diving Secured While Medical Personnel Investigate Ways to Use Nitrogen Released in Decompression Chamber for Increased Dental Services

Officials at the Naval Base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba have secured diving recently in an effort to improve Dental Service on the small Naval Base.  Officials recently sent medical personnel back to the states to begin investigating whether the Nitrogen released in the Decompression Chamber can be combined with Oxygen to make Nitrous Oxide aka Laughing Gas which can then be used to provide additional dental services to the residents on the island.  A spokesman for the Dental Facility said "We want to thank the diving community for making this huge sacrifice.  Many of our residents must currently leave island sometimes for weeks at a time just for routine dental procedures.  By working with the diving community in this experimental undertaking we have a chance of improving the quality of life for all of our residents."  When asked about the expected timeline for this investigation, the spokesman said "Well our expectations are somewhere between the time it takes us to get our mail and the completion of Phillips Dive Park."